Token Bachelor Blog

The Bachelor and I have a long and sordid history. I watched it the first few seasons, and I loved it. Then, they started changing things and adding "twists". I hated the "twists". I watched the first Bachelorette, Trista. I cried when they got married (GOOD GOD THAT WAS A LOT OF PINK). Then, a Bachelor broke my heart, and I could no longer watch.

I loved, loved, loved, LOVED Bachelor Bob. Well...I loved him when he was on the Bachelorette, when he was still fat (yes, chubs get the right to call other chubs whatever they want, especially when the chub in question is that asshole Bob). Then, he became the Bachelor and lost a ton of weight (except in his head, which actually got bigger), and decided to use the show as a springboard for his "singing" career. He was a HUGE jerk, and the relationship lasted about 5 minutes. No girl he picked would have been the right one because he was such a bag of douche and was there for the wrong reasons. Nay, he would not have been the right guy for any of those girls, except maybe the bitchy ones that got eliminated in the beginning. I had such high hopes for Bob. But, he failed me, and the disappointment caused me to not give the final rose to The Bachelor.

Fast forward to this season. My friend (Q) convinced me to watch it one time. So, I caved, knowing that it wouldn't make any difference. I would never fall prey to The Bachelor again. It took only about 5 minutes of watching Jason Mesnick for me to believe in forced reality television love again.

So. Here it is, a midseason convert's take on The Bachelor so far, and my prediction for next week...

1. The first episode I watched was the one where he sent home Psycho Shannon and Looney Lauren. Good call.

2. From that episode forward, I was torn between Jillian and Melissa. I like them both a lot, but I felt that the one better suited for Jason was Jillian. I still believe that he was 100% crazy for letting her go.

3. I don't get what he sees in Molly. Maybe things have happened off camera that we don't know about, but from what I've seen, there doesn't appear to be much there. She also seems very immature, and like she is manipulating him. You're right Jason, it IS those eyes. The ones that she looks at you out of the corner of like she has you trapped like a spider.

4. Melissa is so much sweeter than I would expect from a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader. I know, I know...stereotype. Not nice. But still. And being from Dallas, I have to wonder what kind of Dallasites her parents are. I hope they're not the type of people that have "Welcome home, George and Laura" signs on their lawn. Ew. Or Highland Park people. In my dreams, they are badass Lakewood people that are wicked successful and have a huge house, but are still complete hippies.

5. And as long as we're on the subject of Melissa's parents, can I just say...Who gives a shit? If you love this woman, REALLY love her, then slap that ring on her finger and take the next flight to Dallas and meet the 'rents. Cause if you really love her it won't matter if her parents are crazier than Naomi's.

As much as I hate to say it, I'm calling this one for Molly. She'll win him over with her psycho eyes and her joker smile. I really have no idea about the "most dramatic conclusion EVER" and I'm not going to so much as venture a guess. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. And dammit...I will do my best not to watch next season. Unless Jillian is the Bachelorette. Shit.