- I don't hate the beach. I always thought I would. I burn easily, so I am not a huge fan of the sun. I don't much like sand, and I REALLY don't like it sticking to me. I don't like volleyball, frisbee, or any of the other various "beach" activities. Reading outside sucks, because you get a glare off the book unless you wear sunglasses, but if you ARE wearing sunglasses, you feel like you can't really see. Anyway. I learned that all those things are still true, but you find yourself in this beautiful place, and none of that really matters. I paid more attention to the fact that I couldn't walk without stepping on gorgeous shells on Sanibel Island, the way the sand felt like fine powder on Ft. Myers Beach, and the wide expanse of ocean and the fun that everyone seemed to be having at Bonita. Myself included.
- There are friggin' DOLPHINS off the coast of Sanibel Island!
- Saltwater. That is a very accurate word for ocean water. I always knew it would be SOMEWHAT salty, but I never thought it would be THAT salty. I also learned that if I lived near an ocean, I would go for a swim anytime I have a sinus infection. Saltwater up the nose is an instant cure.
- I thought I had found and acknowledged all the animals in the world that I hate and despise. I thought wrong. I found out that I also hate pelicans. They are all over the place in Southwest Florida. They are the size of turkeys, and they have no fear of humans. They will fly within inches of your head, land on your car and basically terrorize your otherwise lovely beach trip. Bastards.
- My nephew is the COOLEST kid ever. When I say "cool", what I mean is incredibly laid back. My 7 year old nephew was told the first day he saw us that we wouldn't be able to take him to the Monster Truck Rally, and he said, "That's ok. I don't care. I get to see you instead." He answered many questions with a shrug and a "Sure" or a "It doesn't matter."
- Technically, I learned this is Texas when I got back and added up all the money I spent. Vacations are expensive. :(
Friday, January 23, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
At The Bottom Of Everything
I've always loved Bright Eyes and I've always loved this song, but I found a renewed love for it last week, ironically, the day before I went on an airplane. Oh, well. Also, the video is fantastic, and you can see it here.
"So, there's this woman, and she was on an airplane and she was flying to meet her fiance, sailing high above the largest ocean on the planet Earth. And she was seated next to this man who, you know, she had tried to start a conversation with him, but only, really the only thing she heard him say was just to order his bloody mary. And she was sitting there and she was reading this really arduous magazine article about a third world country that she couldn't even pronounce the name of, and she was feeling very bored and very despondent. And suddenly there was this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out, and they just started falling, from 30,000 feet. The pilot's on the micorphone and he's saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, my God!" And she looks at the man and she says, "Where are we going?" And he looks at her and he says "We're going to a party. It...it's a birthday party. It's your birthday party. Happy birthday, darling! We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much!" And then, um, he starts humming this little tune, and it kinda goes like this. A one, two, a one two three four...
We must talk in every telephone, get eaten off the web,
We must rip out all the epilogues from the books that we have read
And in the face of every criminal strapped firmly to a chair,
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare.
We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing.
And it'll go like this, alright...
While my mother waters plants
My father loads his gun.
He says 'Death will give us back to God
Just like the setting sun
Is returned to the lonesome ocean.'
And then they splashed into the deep blue sea!
Oh, it was a wonderful splash.
We must blend into the choir,
Sing a static with the whole.
I must memorize my numbers and deny we have a soul.
And in this endless race for property and privilege to be won,
We must run, we must run, we must run.
We must hang up in the belfry where the bats and moonlight laugh.
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past.
And into the caverns of tomorrow with just our flashlights and our love,
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge.
And then we'll get down there, way down to the bottom of everything
And then we'll see it, oh, we'll see it, we'll see it, we'll see it!
Oh, my morning's coming back.
The whole world's waking up.
All the city busses swimming past;
I'm happy just because
I found out I am really no one.
"So, there's this woman, and she was on an airplane and she was flying to meet her fiance, sailing high above the largest ocean on the planet Earth. And she was seated next to this man who, you know, she had tried to start a conversation with him, but only, really the only thing she heard him say was just to order his bloody mary. And she was sitting there and she was reading this really arduous magazine article about a third world country that she couldn't even pronounce the name of, and she was feeling very bored and very despondent. And suddenly there was this huge mechanical failure and one of the engines gave out, and they just started falling, from 30,000 feet. The pilot's on the micorphone and he's saying, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, my God!" And she looks at the man and she says, "Where are we going?" And he looks at her and he says "We're going to a party. It...it's a birthday party. It's your birthday party. Happy birthday, darling! We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much!" And then, um, he starts humming this little tune, and it kinda goes like this. A one, two, a one two three four...
We must talk in every telephone, get eaten off the web,
We must rip out all the epilogues from the books that we have read
And in the face of every criminal strapped firmly to a chair,
We must stare, we must stare, we must stare.
We must take all of the medicines too expensive now to sell
Set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell
And in the ear of every anarchist that sleeps but doesn't dream
We must sing, we must sing, we must sing.
And it'll go like this, alright...
While my mother waters plants
My father loads his gun.
He says 'Death will give us back to God
Just like the setting sun
Is returned to the lonesome ocean.'
And then they splashed into the deep blue sea!
Oh, it was a wonderful splash.
We must blend into the choir,
Sing a static with the whole.
I must memorize my numbers and deny we have a soul.
And in this endless race for property and privilege to be won,
We must run, we must run, we must run.
We must hang up in the belfry where the bats and moonlight laugh.
We must stare into a crystal ball and only see the past.
And into the caverns of tomorrow with just our flashlights and our love,
We must plunge, we must plunge, we must plunge.
And then we'll get down there, way down to the bottom of everything
And then we'll see it, oh, we'll see it, we'll see it, we'll see it!
Oh, my morning's coming back.
The whole world's waking up.
All the city busses swimming past;
I'm happy just because
I found out I am really no one.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Dear Sarah Palin
Today, this article caught my eye. Don't worry, it's short. Since Sarah Palin talked big during the election about how she wants to listen to the Average American, I have written her a letter in response to the article.
Dear Sarah,
Is it ok if I call you Sarah?
I'm sorry you feel exploited. I'll try to explain why you're being exploited in small words you can easily comprehend...er...understand...um....get. You have a personality that begs to be made fun of. Have you watched Tina's (we're all on a first name basis here, right?) impression of you in the Katie Couric interview? She didn't even add much. She was pretty much quoting you word for word. That's not an exploitation; that's a reenactment. And if your material pretty much makes fun of itself, well, whose fault is that really?
I guess I kinda get why you feel that Tina has exploited you, but what did poor Katie do? I mean, I know she asked you a lot of really hard questions, like what newspapers you read and what supreme court decisions you agree or disagree with (couldn't even think of one, huh?), but she's not a comedian. I'm pretty sure she isn't still talking about you or your interview with her. Which brings me to my next point...
No one is still talking about you. I think the vast majority of Americans are trying really hard to forget you exist. But you can't be kept down, no. You're going to keep doing interviews and making the news every time you can. Isn't that kind of exploiting yourself? Most people who don't want to be exploited lay low. So, really, you're bringing this on yourself. If you don't want to be exploited, stay home. If you keep going out and talking your idiotic head off, don't complain when people make fun of you.
-Average Jess
P.S. You're right. Caroline Kennedy is being treated better by the media than you are. It's not classism. It has to do with the fact that she isn't a moron and you are. The end.
Dear Sarah,
Is it ok if I call you Sarah?
I'm sorry you feel exploited. I'll try to explain why you're being exploited in small words you can easily comprehend...er...understand...um....get. You have a personality that begs to be made fun of. Have you watched Tina's (we're all on a first name basis here, right?) impression of you in the Katie Couric interview? She didn't even add much. She was pretty much quoting you word for word. That's not an exploitation; that's a reenactment. And if your material pretty much makes fun of itself, well, whose fault is that really?
I guess I kinda get why you feel that Tina has exploited you, but what did poor Katie do? I mean, I know she asked you a lot of really hard questions, like what newspapers you read and what supreme court decisions you agree or disagree with (couldn't even think of one, huh?), but she's not a comedian. I'm pretty sure she isn't still talking about you or your interview with her. Which brings me to my next point...
No one is still talking about you. I think the vast majority of Americans are trying really hard to forget you exist. But you can't be kept down, no. You're going to keep doing interviews and making the news every time you can. Isn't that kind of exploiting yourself? Most people who don't want to be exploited lay low. So, really, you're bringing this on yourself. If you don't want to be exploited, stay home. If you keep going out and talking your idiotic head off, don't complain when people make fun of you.
-Average Jess
P.S. You're right. Caroline Kennedy is being treated better by the media than you are. It's not classism. It has to do with the fact that she isn't a moron and you are. The end.
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